We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.
I’m so pathetically sensitive and I wish I wasn’t. I’m embarrassingly insecure and I overanalyze and overthink things that I shouldn’t worry about. I wonder how many things my weaknesses have ruined. Things that could have turned out great but I was too weak to handle. I’m constantly trying to get better and stronger, and I do. But I sometimes wonder if there is a certain level of weakness that I will never be able to escape.
What are you doing?
What are you doing to form your life into what you want it to be? What are you doing to make those precious dreams come true? What are you doing to heal those deep wounds in your heart? What are you doing to find joy and hope in each day you are given? What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing right now in this present day to change whatever is wrong in your life into something brighter and better? What are you doing to grow into yourself?
What are you doing? Why are you waiting for someone else to come and fix you? Why won’t you be the person you need? Why are you looking for hope in everyone else but yourself?
This it it. This is your only life. It’s the only one you get. You own it. This story is going to be whatever you choose for it to be. Whatever happened before doesn’t have to hold you back anymore. Face those wounds and allow yourself to go through the healing process as many times as it takes. Confront those lies crowding your mind with the truth. Discover what makes you come alive and build your life out of it. Do something. Do something to become whoever it is you imagine yourself to be. Be the person that makes you happy, whole, loved, and brings you peace.
The answer is you. The person you need right now is yourself. No one else can do it for you. No one else can live your life, tell your story, or make you whole. The choice is in your hands, so I will ask you again — what are you doing?
The worst crying is when your lying in bed, with your hand over your mouth so you don’t make noise. The tears are running onto your pillow and your hearts breaking and your thinking of everything that made you cry, and your other hand is on your heart or stomach because they both hurt.
There are times when it will go so wrong that you will barely be alive, and times when you realise that being barely alive, on your own terms, is better than living a bloated half-life on someone else’s terms.
I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
And I understand. I understand why people hold hands: I’d always thought it was about possessiveness, saying ‘This is mine’. But it’s about maintaining contact. It is about speaking without words. It is about I want you with me and don’t go.